Let Them Choose

Before giving career guidance counselling to children it is necessary that parents get a counselling session done. As parents, it is important for the elders to know what the child wants before pushing their wants in front of their child. After 10th, children are clueless as to what stream they are supposed to choose. If it is arts, commerce or science. As children, it is their birth right to walk up to their parents and get some suggestions. Parents are basically the mentors of the child from day one. As parents, it is your duty to suggest what is good and what is bad for your child but instead what parents tend to do is they push their unfulfilled dreams on their child which in turn kills the dream of the child. The child thinks, okay I am supposed to make my parents proud so I will do what my parents are asking me to do without realising that s/heis actually killing his or her own dream with his or her own hands. The unfulfilled dreams gradually prick the child through life till the end of  time. He or she becomes an unhappy person, spreading unhappines to the people around him or her.  It is totally okay if your child takes up commerce or science or arts. All have equal value. Let me state out the fact now, the demand for engineers has decreased over the period of time. It does not make any difference. There is competition in the world I agree but there is no competition with the cousins, with the friends, with the relatives children, with the Sharmaji ka ladka. The one and only competition is within the child.  What he or she is today and what he or she was yesterday is the only competition the child should know. As parents, we take away their freedom. We believe our parents didn't give us freedom so we will not give our child the freedom that the child needs. You have to change your thinking. The world today is not according to you, it's very fast, it's very technical, it's very tech friendly it's 

"SMART."

Give suggestions, beta this is this, this is this, and this is this. Be available for your child whenever he or she needs you. It may be for suggestions, for opinions, for advice, for emotional support but do not decide for them. It should be their decision which college they want to go to, which stream they want to choose, what they want to do in life. At that time, at least the child must have some clarity about what he or she wants for themselves.  We are parents. We are not the ring masters in the circus and our children are not tigers or a lion or an elephant that entertains people in the circus. Your relatives are just an audience to make fun of but you are the real support for your child. Your child will come to you when they need something and not go to Sharma ji or your relatives. Sharma ji might afford the education that he is giving to his son or daughter but it's okay there if you can't do the same. There is no compulsion that you have to put your child in the same college that Sharmaji's son is going in. You admit your child in the college of his or her choice for it will be your child there and not Sharmaji's. 

Sharma ji might be busy earning money, counting notes when his son needs something but you will always be available for your child. If your child walks up to you and says "Mumma, something is wrong. I need to talk to you." be there for your child. If your child says, "Papa I need some money for the material given in college, give them the money do not doubt on them. However, make sure you check the material that is got. See where the money is invested. Make a habit of writing down the accounts of the money spent. Keep an eye on the child but don't interfere too much. They are your children and you are a parent. They are not prisoners and you are not a jailor you know. Basically, this cycle of unfulfilled dreams keeps going on and on to the generation that are to come. You push your unfulfilled dreams on your child because your parents didn't allow you to pursue your dream. Your child will push their unfulfilled dreams on their children because you didn't allow them to fulfill their dreams.  This chain is never ending. 

Why do we have this tendency of pushing our decisions on them? Are they not humans? Don't they have the thinking capacity? Don't they have dreams? Won't they be able to choose wisely for themselves? If they make the wrong decision, be there for them. Don't taunt, don't punish, don't yell, don't shout, don't scold, just be there. If they fall, let them fall. They'll get up, walk again with baby steps. They will start all over again. If they do the things by themselves, choose what they want, and if they ever go wrong they will at least not blame you. Let them choose what they want. It's high time to normalize and accept their choices, dreams, ambitions, goals instead of pushing your dreams on them.